Mullfullness

Egoic Mind: I had this thought … I realize I am just spinning my wheels, but nonetheless the thought was about those off sync heart beats that I get from time to time and that still throw me into a tizzy.  The thought went something like “… This is normal for you.  Your heart does this and when it does, it usually lasts only for a few beats before returning to normal sinus rhythm.  It has already passed now.  There is nothing to brace against.  Things in the future will happen pretty much like things in the past.”

Well that was how the thought went.

But right on the heels of that was another thought that said … “Anything and everything CAN CHANGE.  There is NOTHING you can depend on.  What happened before may happen differently next time.  You never know what can happen next!”

So it’s like the two thoughts are polar opposites.  Not quite cancelling each other out, but contrary to one another.  Each seem logical and valid on some level, yet neither contains Truth per se.

So now what?

Gnani: If you continue to sit is mullfullness (mulling over these mental conundrums) instead of mindfulness (what is here in this moment as Truth) — you may even come up with a third, fourth or fifth believable theory!  However none of them will contain the Truth as the all are still poor attempts to validate the illusion of the me-construct.  MY heart, MY thoughts, MY experience of MY BODY.

The only entity that cares about the skipper beats is the ME-thought at the center of the illusion.  And all it wants to do is keep the samsaric wheel of suffering spinning because inside of that paradigm is the only place it can exist.

Egoic Mind: So looking for answers and more rational beliefs …

Gnani: … will keep you endlessly looking for more and more solutions to problems that only exist in the egoic cortex.  The heart skips.  The mind spins or does not spin.  The heart stops skipping.  The mind continues to spin about the NEXT believed conceptual problem — with celebratory pause in between to take credit or blame for the last problem tackled.

Egoic Mind: I see that logically of course but yet knowing on an intellectual level seems to have little bearing on changing the duration or intensity of the suffering in the moment.

Gnani: Is that True?  Or a belief of learned helplessness?  Are your actions truly as intense, prolonged and fueled by egoic desires to the same extent and duration prior to the understanding that you have now?

Egoic Mind: I am not certain of course.  On the surface it seems the frequency and intensity and habits are all slightly more dull than before … but that could be circumstance I suppose.

Gnani: Would not the unabated egoic mind take any circumstance to feed its illusion regardless of even diminishing intensity or frequency and spin it into a huge problem to be mulled?

Egoic Mind: Yes.  It has done that for years.  But I was hoping that the glimpse of Truth would not simply tone it all down but eliminate the ego entirely.

Gnani: Trying to eliminate the ego is only another conundrum to spin the wheels of samsara.  There is NO PROBLEM, not heart rhythm nor egoic delusion that needs to be addressed by more mental efforting.  No matter how many times the Samari sword cuts the wind — the air does not retreat.  But when the warrior puts down the blade in peaceful surrender … the air that was the enemy, becomes the noble breath of Life.

Breathe in deeply.  You have already put down your sword.