On Love And Loathing

Egoic Mind: I am feeling unsettled about people speaking in judgment of me behind my back.

Gnani: Have you ever done that before?

Egoic Mind: Spoke poorly about someone in an attempt to bond with the person I was talking to?  Yes.  I suppose I have and may still DO so from time to time.  You are not going to say its karma are you?

Gnani: Karma is one way to describe the connectedness of all the waves that are the One Ocean.  It does matter … But not like you are thinking.  These perceived behaviors on the part of others that trip your emotional reaction, is not because you are feeling karmic justice from past indiscretions.  However it is your past gossip remorse that lays a foundation for your own self loathing.  Simply put (though it is not truthfully this simple) what you are reacting to in another’s behavior is actually your own self disdain.  You do not accept this dark side of yourself, so much so that you overlook even your own participation in the targeted behavior.

When the mirror is held up before your eyes, the reaction is to lash out at the mirror image (the other person) and not the self-image you try to keep in a good light.

It is the arduous effort to keep your own self-image pristine, that stirs the pot when you perceive someone is talking poorly about you in your absence.  Or you believe they might be thinking negative judgmental thoughts about you even in their silence!

Egoic Mind: Crap that’s a lot to digest.  Or perhaps it’s a lot of crap to digest.

Gnani: Ultimately both are true of course.  The notion that everything we perceive as flawed and unfair stems from our own self-hatred is a very twisted and complex web of suffering.  Take it in small pieces until you are ready for your world to turn upside down and disappear.  And of course as it is the me-concept at the root of the story which is a complete fabrication … all of it is also total bullshit.

Egoic Mind: If everything negative I see in others, is based on my own feelings towards myself … Is it also true that everything which I love in others is a reflection of that which I love about myself?

Gnani: Yes.  But not quite as you first imagine.  The self-abasement is at the root of all suffering … But that which you perceive as love stems from that which you recognize as Self love … God.

Egoic Mind: No wait!  I know from my experience that God is not only present in feelings of Goodness and Grace.  The Totality embodies the selfishness and selfless nature of our being.

Gnani: Quite right!  It IS all One.  All God.  Each wave is at its essence the ocean.  Yet your egoic mind still treads water waiting to body surf only the perfect wave.  In this capacity of judging, you still tend to embrace only half of the Divine.  Hating yourself for being human and supposedly less than worthy … and worshiping God’s Grace which ultimately you believe you are separate from.  Yet BOTH represent the TOTALITY that is SOURCE.

When you see, in any situation, that subject and object are one … A shift occurs that will unlock in an instant the mystery in the muddy waters.  No longer fractured by the water’s reflection, the picture before you becomes whole (holy), complete as it has always been … Perfect.

Egoic Mind: Wow.  I can only begin to imagine what that might look like.

Gnani: Good.  Take that image and see how it transforms your initial story of back-stabbing.

Egoic Mind: Well clearly it becomes a case of stabbing myself in the heart … And ultimately it leads me to bleeding Love.

Gnani: Wow.  Indeed.