New Year Reflections

I woke up on the first day of this new decade filled with hope and optimism that this year was going to be amazing.  My body was at peace and my mind was as still as calm waters….

Even if that were true, it still would have been a story made up by the mind.  Instead as it was for me when my eyes opened to this new year, my body was in full on hyperadrenergic flare.  The waves of heat were intense, the pain in my neck and shoulders was griping and there was NOTHING I could do to quell the surge.  The mental stories of not wanting were loud and the small voice of helplessness rang in my ears that I simply didn’t want to DO another year under these circumstances.  And while that mental narative and memory fit what occured in the first hours of my morning … it still is simply a story made up by the mind.

As I sat on a blanket in the middle of the yard under a bright winter’s sun, I hoped that my body would soon shift into a more peaceful rhythm.  The solar water pump was making soothing sounds within the cascading spillways and the high pitched tweets of humming birds along the cape honeysuckle was soft and subtle in the background of this zazen sit.  Just as I was about to close my eyes a cadra of black crows crossed the sky and dove into a very tall pepper tree on the edge of the rock quarry behind our house.  They were loud and seemed to be in quite the tizzy.  I looked around and couldn’t see any sign of a hawk or mocking bird that can sometimes cause the crows to riot like an angry mob.

However I saw nothing out of the usual in front of me, but as I turned around 180° I noticed there was an amazing splash of rainbow prism color coming from within a whispy patch of clouds just west of the morning sun.  I raised my left hand to block the brilliance of the direct sun on my naked eye and just sat memorized for a moment how such a spectacluar display of color was seemingly coming out of nowhere.

It would be a wonderful story if in seeing the full spectrum of the heavens in that moment that the pain in my body lifted and I was able to embody the bliss that was before my eyes.  It didn’t happen that way, not on this occasion.  But whether we are creating stories of hope or helplessness each lens that we color our horizon is simply more mind stuff that takes us away from being awake and present to the moment that is at hand.

This sacred space of Now which is the only Truth that is not deluded by our judgment and conditioning.

So while others may be making resolutions for the foreseeable future, or recovering from party celebrations of the night before …. I am doing my best to just sit at the center of the mental noise, comfort my body with hot packs as needed and breathe deeply in as much awareness as possible that this present moment is perfect just as it is.