Walking on Egg Shells



I am sometimes mindful of the juxtaposition of my blog posts. Can I follow an upbeat celebration of the holidays with an online couples quiz about what constitutes cheating within a relationship? Is it ok to post a bikini clad picture of me in the spa when the rest of the country is digging their way out of snow banks? Can I comment on frivolous spending as a general topic when in specific one of my children is making woefully inappropriate financial choices? Indeed, how can I follow such a sombering post like the one about the shooting in Arizona with a trivial story of personal pain which in comparison is completely irrelevent or is that irreverant, perhaps irrational would be the best fit on so many levels.

What if I come off too brash, like Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes? What? Too soon? Ok, then think Dennis Miller after his breakdown, George Carlin after his heart-attacks, or Woody Alan after he lost his moral compas! Truly, if it is not the aging rocker still performing disco hits on stage that is a sin, it is the comedian you once admired who now makes you apologize after you recommend him to a friend only to realize he has been imbibing his own poised pen.

I am mindful when I use harsh words or take on a topic that I know will not be well received (keep an eye out for my armpit hair blog coming soon!) Because deep down I hold on to that old belief (or perhaps it is a belief of a young child) that if I say the wrong thing … I will turn someone away forever. I remember my father saying to me once perhaps a decade ago … “Don’t say anything to upset Julie, she’s the only friend you have!!” And of course, I still wrack my brain on what I may have said to my mother 2+ years past that she opted out of my life. Small wonder then why the other day when I hurt a dear friend of long standing unintentionally with absent minded words — I opened up a flood gate of old emotions and past pain.

The alternative of course is to walk upon egg shells, always worried that at a moment’s unnoticed we might say the wrong thing and the house of cards we have been living in comes tumbling down. At times each of us may do just that. But it comes with a price. Indeed even when we find our own situation wrought with rough edges, we can BE this space of unconditional listening for another sentient being. It is perhaps the greatest gift to allow someone the space to be whatever it is that arises in the moment — without judgment or personal implication, but to simply be the container for whatever it is they feel that they can no longer contain.

Who knows? Maybe some day we can give this space to our Self, and no longer worry about falling short, looking stupid or being misunderstood completely. Hmmm, an omlet sounds good right about now.

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