The Ties That Bind Us

In his book, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, author Steven Hayes uses a metaphor about Aunt Ida to explain how we should invite even our demons into our lives.   The story goes something like this, imagine you are hosting a family potluck and everyone you know is welcome to attend.  Then the doorbell rings and you see through the peephole that it is old Aunt Ida whom you despise.  Instead of opening the door, you choose to lean your body against the threshold and hold Aunt Ida OUT.  By doing so you are unable to enjoy the party.  All you can do is keep your attention on holding the front door shut.  Dr. Hayes suggests that it is only by letting Aunt Ida into your home willingly, that you can refocus your energy and attention and ever have a chance to enjoy the party.  I asked Steven once, What if Aunt Ida has an oozy? If I believe Aunt Ida is going to kill me if she comes in, then how can I possibly let her into my home? Steven’s replay was as warm as it was blunt, if she really has an oozy then fer $%%^& sake — stop threatening and fire the damn thing!

It made logical sense of course.  But two years later, I’m still stuck at the front door holding Aunt Ida at bay.

This morning as I hooked myself up to my bio-feedback machine on the computer – because I could feel my heart skipping and I just HAD to watch it in living color!   My eyes glanced down to the USB finger sensor cable and traced it back to the laptop and I realized I was really quite literally tied to this spot.  Like holding the door shut, I was fixed to my computer and in both cases unable to enjoy the party.  Life.