What Is It That Is Aware?

Huddled in front of an open window with a cool breeze gently lifting the fine hairs of my cheek, I stared out into our backyard and wondered if I would ever know mySelf beyond the pain and fear of this illness.  Just then a hummingbird came right up outside of the screen where I was sitting.  She hovered just inches from my face and for an instant we were able to see deeply into each other’s eye.  Perhaps not the iris itself, but certainly the soul was seen as the little bird silently lingered in mid-air.  In an instant the mental me-story of suffering was transformed into a glorious awareness of the space that was literally in front of my nose.

In a flash the bird disappeared into the Pepper trees where I could still hear her squeaks and whistles in the distance.  Suddenly I felt my heart skip a beat and a hot flash froze my body on the spot.  Fear began to rise in my body and the spontaneous enquiry arose what is aware of the rising fear?

Then a succession of quick questions catapulted through my mind space.  What was aware of the humming bird?  What was aware of your desire to be well?  What felt the breeze on this face?  What was aware that worrying was happening?  What was aware of the heart skipping?  What was aware of the sensation of heat?  What was aware of the judging of events as good or bad and subsequent desires to possess or pull away from? What was aware of the silence?  What hears the bird song from the trees?  What is drawn to look within and search for Self?

The cerebral lightening storm hinted at the truth.  Beyond the illusion of dualism, clear of the apprehension that bogged down the mind, within actually all of this and yet not of this at all was the apperception that what was there was Awareness itSelf.  Watching silently as the world and thoughts thereof materialized and hovered right before my eyes.