Recipe for Disaster



3x5-cardHOW TO MAKE A MESS OF EVERYTHING

(Serves 3 but there’s enough to go around for second helpings)

INGREDIENTS:

  • Chronically Ill Overstressed Wife
  • Unremittingly Tired/Depressed Husband
  • Terminally Hormonal Teenager

DIRECTIONS:

  • Instruct teenager to do homework.
  • Teenager throws fit.  Season with obscenities and defiance.
  • Tell teenager to pack his bag because you have had it with him.
  • Wife: ->Sit in closet to try and cool down.  Decide you can’t cool down.  You don’t want to cool down.  In fact decide it’s your husband’s fault you are even in this mess.
  • Call husband’s cell and demand he come upstairs and help!  Proceed to explain why the teenager blow-up, your lack of self-worth, global warming and the stock market crash are all his fault.
  • Sit in silence waiting for him to agree and apologize.
  • If apology does not rise, kneed issue again adding more pressure and verbal attacks.
  • Sit in silence waiting for him to agree and apologize.
  • Face the fact the apology ain’t happening and declare the marriage a disaster.
  • Husband finally finds something to agree with and announces he’s leaving.
  • Get a shovel, or a back hoe because for the next four hours you will forego any attempts at reconciliation, concentrating all you efforts on digging the hole deeper.
  • Toss and turn (along with your queasy stomach and pounding head) through a sleepless night.
  • Make superfluous attempts at civility at dawn.

Serve cold and muddle through yet another day in paradise.

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