Data data everywhere and not a spot to think



spudsWe watched an EDS/POTS webinar recently that reiterated the long held belief that exercising will improve POTS.  I remember that first study 10 years ago when they took a bunch of military recruits and had them running 50 minutes in three weeks … I was appalled at the leaps and bounds made by the authors that we could in any way equate “healthy” military recruits with those of us managing a chronic illness.  And yet there’s a thread of small studies  that followed where they have “sick people” do 30+ minutes of aerobic exercise and poof no more POTS.

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Can deconditioning cause orthostatic intolerance?  Sure thing.  The space program 20 years ago affirmed this when they noticed that the returning astronauts couldn’t stand up after doing time in zero gravity.  But that doesn’t mean that all of us who have dysautonomia are couch POTStatoes.  Or as a well meaning medical professional recently told one of my kids … just drink some water, it will fix that.

And while I could go on at great length about the potential pitfalls in studies that try to glean causation from correlation data I don’t want to spend my energy standing on that soap box preaching to the chronically ill choir.  Each of us have our own Truth and our own limiting factors that contribute to our view of the world as we see it from inside our being.  The thread that I wanted to pull from the fabric of our collective mind is how we use these circumstances and pomp to construct meaning in our own N=1 reality show.

There was a period of a few weeks after the webinar where my boyfriend and I collected data on exercise and outcomes.  What happens if I spend 20 minutes on the elliptical?  Can I lift weights for 10 minutes?  How ’bout I try both things together?  We established a nice routine of listening to a loud music stream of 70s (I hesitate to use the word) oldies while working out together in the living room each afternoon.  And while we try to have some consistency in our practice, like most things … we are able to do this more or less based on a wide variety of contributing factors.  Some day the pain is too great to exercise.  Some day the tachycardia is too high even to be upright.  And some days we need to spend our energy actually DOING something productive (like cleaning, cooking or concocting something creative … as meaningless as each may seem).

Exercise is one of many targets that our collective culture uses as a litmus test to determine our value.  Sign up for an annual membership at the local gym … 10 points!   Train for a 10k marathon to support your insert worthwhile cause … 20 points!!  Tune in to the Biggest Loser and pretend that it counts for actually exercising … 30 imaginary points!!!

But then, what happens when you have a lull in your exercise commitment?  Or you don’t finish the race?  Or you tune in to the Big Bang Theory on Thursday night instead?  What meaning do you layer on top of your actions (or non-actions)?  Could it be you secretly want to sabotage your goals for a healthier life?  Do you want to stay sick?  Are you afraid to get better?  Do you tell yourself you should try harder?  Do you hear a punishing inner voice tell you that you have somehow failed or otherwise broke a personal promise?

Because you see there is an underlying assumption here that .. if you want it bad enough … you’ll do it.  Right?  Its so engrained in our brain that this alone keeps us on the hamster wheel of the blame game.  Some take it so far to believe if they didn’t have this primordial guilt they would have no motivation to ever take another step forward.  So we beat our self up over our circumstances and try to imbue meaning into our motives when we see that our actual actions aren’t the same as our anticipated activities.

Its easy to be the Monday morning quarter back with a post-hoc-sack of a story that inflates or more likely deflates our status woe.  I suggested to a friend recently … perhaps the reason you feel better when you are exercising is because you exercise when you are feeling better.  Its the chicken and the cracked eggshell of causation and correlation.  Everyone has their own take on why shit happens … my own meaning making machine still goes down that path every now and Zen.  Until I stumble on a POTShole and remember that sometimes … “Its just one of those things“.  It may not mean anything, or if you prefer, it may mean everything.  But when the voice in your head sounds mean I would suggest you look at it closely and see if perhaps its simply misinterpreting the data.

spuds

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