Danny’s Song



I cried today when I heard the cardiologist on the phone tell my son that the test results were in and he “… had POTS, just like your mother …”   I hugged my son in an awkward tear filled moment of “Mom, why are you crying, you know I have POTS?!”  And its true, of course I do.  He’s been sick for a long time now.  But somehow hearing it confirmed by all of those “tests” and specialists … feels like another brick in the wall of a life limiting illness.

Its one thing to be sick and know the intimacy of suffering on a daily basis.  However I can not imagine many things that are more heart wrenching than to see your child struggle.  It simply breaks my heart.

I know those 18 hour headaches, the gastrointestinal turmoil, the bone crushing fatigue and muscle spasms plus the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the total package.  And yet, his pain is unique unto him.  His strategies and coping mechanisms are being fine tuned on the fly and I am utterly impressed by how well he manages the nuances of a disabling illness.

But being a mother means always being open and vulnerable to our children’s pain. We want to shelter them from the storm, but realize the best we can do is to help them dance in the rain.  I’m not winning mother of the year … again this year.  I’m broken beyond repair and can barely manage my own small life let alone do anything of substance to help any of my kids in any material way.  But if humor is the hallmark of our family, we all can make it rain and those occasional awkward tears are just part of our hearts way that we embrace life, and find our bliss regardless of weather of the day.

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