Trying To Figure It Out



EGOIC MIND: I know not what to say.  Last week my body/mind experienced a horrid flare.  My mind tells me it was the worse flare I have ever suffered and there is worry present that it will return.

Gnani: And now?  What does stillness feel like?  How has this episode (dream) affected your true nature?  Are you less peace-filled, less eternal, smaller or fragmented from the whole-ness you were before it happened?

EGOIC MIND: No of course not.  That which is my Buddha Nature is still quite intact.  I am.

Gnani: So what does it matter what your mind is telling you?  What will finding an answer or a cause change on the level of truth?

EGOIC MIND: But it will change my suffering on the level of form, if I can find an answer.  If I can find a solution to the problem that will stop these horrific flares from over taking my mind/body then I can live a peace-filled life and be of service to others as it is my intention to be.

Gnani: Even now, in your egoic state of identification, you are finding it harder and harder to believe these flimsy stories of victory over dis-ease.  One illness will follow another illness.  One problem will arise after another has fallen.  This is the true nature of form.  No peace can be found on the level your mind is telling you to search.  Accept whatever happened.  Allow the mystery to be as it is.  You have turned it over to the “doctor” for blood tests … now turn your life over to that which you have turned away from.  No one can heal you.  You are The One that is beyond injury.  Recognize your mind has no idea what is happening to the body and that the transformation taking place is not of the nature of mind.  Admit you are helpless and you shall cease to seek help on the level of form.

EGOIC MIND: I certainly feel helpless when the flare takes over my being.

Gnani: While the energy may take over your being (your body) … it does not touch your Beingness.  Only your mind feels helpless.  Your body is sensing energy only.  It is the mistaken mind that defines this energy as a danger to your being.

EGOIC MIND: Yes I feel in danger while it is happening.  I seem unable to trust the energy to take me where it is I need to go.  My mind tells me I must STOP the energy surge at any cost.  I must figure it out or it will kill me.

Gnani: Who is it that dies?

EGOIC MIND: The ego, I suppose.  But in that fit of flare the ego is all that seems alive.  I was unable to touch that place in me that is timeless.  Why is that?  Why could I not use any of my tools?

Gnani: You want answers to appease the mind.  You want reassurances and fore-knowledge to satisfy the mind that it will remain in control after the blaze has burned everything else to the ground.  No thing will appease the wild mind that requires control.  The dream is coming to an end and the mind does not want to put the book down for fear it will disappear into the illusion of past that it has created.  There is nothing that can prepare the mind for the final chapter.  You cannot study harder, recite more mantras, or meditate more intensely.  This is not a game the mind can win.  Surrender is not a skill that can be learned or primed in advance.  When the fruit is ready it will fall from the tree on its own volition.  Be still and know that nothing needs to be done on the level of mind … the fruit is ripening because it is its destiny to do so.  Relax and enjoy the gentle rain.

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