{"id":299,"date":"2008-11-01T08:01:54","date_gmt":"2008-11-01T15:01:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/?p=299"},"modified":"2009-04-05T14:25:45","modified_gmt":"2009-04-05T21:25:45","slug":"recipe-for-disaster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/?p=299","title":{"rendered":"Recipe for Disaster"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-301\" title=\"3x5-card\" src=\"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/08\/3x5-card.jpg\" alt=\"3x5-card\" width=\"226\" height=\"244\" \/>HOW TO MAKE A MESS OF EVERYTHING<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(Serves 3 but there&#8217;s enough to go around for second helpings)<\/p>\n<p>INGREDIENTS:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Chronically Ill Overstressed Wife<\/li>\n<li>Unremittingly Tired\/Depressed Husband<\/li>\n<li>Terminally Hormonal Teenager<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>DIRECTIONS:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Instruct teenager to do homework.<\/li>\n<li>Teenager throws fit.\u00a0 Season with obscenities and defiance.<\/li>\n<li>Tell teenager to pack his bag because you have had it with him.<\/li>\n<li>Wife: -&gt;Sit in closet to try and cool down.\u00a0 Decide you can&#8217;t cool down.\u00a0 You don&#8217;t want to cool down.\u00a0 In fact decide it&#8217;s your husband&#8217;s fault you are even in this mess.<\/li>\n<li>Call husband&#8217;s cell and demand he come upstairs and help!\u00a0 Proceed to explain why the teenager blow-up, your lack of self-worth, global warming and the stock market crash are all his fault.<\/li>\n<li>Sit in silence waiting for him to agree and apologize.<\/li>\n<li>If apology does not rise, kneed issue again adding more pressure and verbal attacks.<\/li>\n<li>Sit in silence waiting for him to agree and apologize.<\/li>\n<li>Face the fact the apology ain&#8217;t happening and declare the marriage a disaster.<\/li>\n<li>Husband finally finds something to agree with and announces he&#8217;s leaving.<\/li>\n<li>Get a shovel, or a back hoe because for the next four hours you will forego any attempts at reconciliation, concentrating all you efforts on digging the hole deeper.<\/li>\n<li>Toss and turn (along with your queasy stomach and pounding head) through a sleepless night.<\/li>\n<li>Make superfluous attempts at civility at dawn.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p align=\"center\">Serve cold and muddle through yet another day in paradise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>HOW TO MAKE A MESS OF EVERYTHING (Serves 3 but there&#8217;s enough to go around<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-299","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=299"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":304,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions\/304"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}