{"id":3036,"date":"2013-06-11T16:59:05","date_gmt":"2013-06-11T23:59:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/?p=3036"},"modified":"2013-06-11T16:59:29","modified_gmt":"2013-06-11T23:59:29","slug":"housebound-and-homeless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/?p=3036","title":{"rendered":"Housebound and Homeless"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"In<\/a><\/p>\n

Its a universal fear, albeit first world problem, as my daughter would say.\u00a0 But having no place to live even in the musings of the mind can be a terrifying place to inhabit.\u00a0 I have sat with the uncertainty for days if not weeks during which time the gap between selling a home and finding a home to live in seemed as wide as the Grand Canyon herself.<\/p>\n

My boyfriend has FAITH and wisdom to not worry, especially when fretting is futile and wasted energy of which both our resources are limited.\u00a0 Indeed at times like this, his redneck is more powerful than my Zen, as I tend to still muck around in the muddy waters of the lily pond looking for center while he is peacefully sitting nearby enjoying the garden.<\/p>\n

I’m all about contingency planning.\u00a0 It was part of my job to have back up servers and emergency operations in place to prevent any “down time.”\u00a0 So when I did my homework and found the cost analysis of a long stay hotel was out of the question, and short term leases on rental homes was an oxymoron … I realized my Plan B was bogus at best.<\/p>\n

To make matters of the monkey mind worse, time was running out.\u00a0 Escrow would close and we would need to be OUT on a fixed date, regardless of my lack of finding new digs.\u00a0 Because despite my best attempts at contingency plans, removing<\/em> my contingency of “seller finds a new home” was part of the “successful” negotiations of selling this house.\u00a0 Its a leap of faith for certain.\u00a0 And frankly I don’t leap like I use to.<\/p>\n

So there were moments of breakdown to be certain.\u00a0 When I would find myself compressed tightly in a crouch with my back against a wall.\u00a0 Feeling the energy of the not-knowing and nothing-to-do course through my core.\u00a0 One day, when the autonomic storm was intense and my mind was melting I took refuge in the big walk-in bedroom closet.\u00a0 I curled up in the corner underneath a wrack of clothes and sat quietly weeping — realizing full well it lacked grace or style and may have frightened my common sense man.\u00a0 But to my surprise, he came into the closet, shut the door behind him and came over to me in the dark to lay down.\u00a0 Without a word uttered, my body began to settle as I felt the soft and slow pace of his breath.\u00a0 As I placed my head upon his chest I could feel his heart beating slow and steady and as he held my head in the palm of his hand and stroked my hair I felt his<\/em> faith come through his fingertips.<\/p>\n

We both fell asleep in a huddled mass there on the floor.\u00a0 No words spoken.\u00a0 No trauma analysis to work through.\u00a0 Just two bodies pressed up against each other, in the darkness and close quarters.\u00a0 Nothing more was needed.\u00a0 And I did not reach out for anything more.<\/p>\n

We would be fine of course.\u00a0 No matter where we lived, no matter what happened next down the road.\u00a0 I may not be as adept to make those agile leaps as he is, but I am learning through his stillness what it means to be at peace even when it seems life is falling to pieces.<\/p>\n

And for the record, we did put an offer on a new home.\u00a0 Somewhere between faith and fate things do seem like they are falling into place.\u00a0 Perhaps one day, faith will replace the fear places in the neural plasticity of my brain.\u00a0 And I will be able to feel an abiding peace as I did in the quiet space of the closet.\u00a0 As the redneck says “I told you it would all work out babe, why don’t you ever trust me?”\u00a0 Why indeed.\u00a0 But that would be a not-so-shaggy dog blog for another time. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Its a universal fear, albeit first world problem, as my daughter would say.\u00a0 But having<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dharma"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3036","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3036"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3036\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3047,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3036\/revisions\/3047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}