{"id":387,"date":"2008-12-29T09:11:40","date_gmt":"2008-12-29T16:11:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/?p=387"},"modified":"2009-04-05T14:53:45","modified_gmt":"2009-04-05T21:53:45","slug":"look-deeper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/?p=387","title":{"rendered":"Look Deeper"},"content":{"rendered":"

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Does Source know<\/em> everything that is going to happen?<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Source knows everything that IS happening in this moment.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> But when something is manifested, does Source know at the time of its birth all of the events that will happen to it before it dies?<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> The answer to your question would involve discussion about the time and space constraints which exist in your world, but not in the realm of Source.\u00a0 So basically, Yes.\u00a0 Source is not bound by time or space so everything is instantly available in the present moment.\u00a0 And NO Source did not intend for you to suffer with this pain.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> But if Source knew a particular action would cause pain?\u00a0 Then why wouldn’t it take a different course or action?<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Have you ever experienced a benefit from something at the time you consider painful?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Oh no.\u00a0 Not a lecture on pain with a purpose<\/em>.\u00a0 I’m not in the mood.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Good neither am I.\u00a0 So if there isn’t a thought tug of war that you want to do around this pain,\u00a0 how about choosing to be with it.\u00a0 Be curious about it, without judging it as bad, or even purposeful.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Ok, there is bilateral pain.\u00a0 It is hot and follows my upper jaw line.\u00a0 I can feel vibration from a soft hum that my body is making.\u00a0 A little melody.\u00a0 The pain is a bit sharper on the left side than the right side of my face.\u00a0 It feels like there is some inflammation.\u00a0 Swelling.\u00a0 Pushing.\u00a0 From the inside moving out.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> And what else is happening INSIDE.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Gee, I think INSIDE my mouth was inside enough.\u00a0 I feel an energy cycle in my mouth.\u00a0 Like an orbital charge that moves with the throbbing of the pain.\u00a0 There is a tightness too of the facial muscles.\u00a0 A holding on, if you will.\u00a0 It began about an hour ago as a headache and now has morphed into this facial pain.\u00a0 There is fear present too.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: Ok.\u00a0 And what are you doing with the fear.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Pushing it away.\u00a0 Afraid to face it.\u00a0 Afraid I will be overcome with fear and pain.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Yes, that is the addictive thought.\u00a0 Let it drop aside, it is a diversion from what is REAL in this moment.\u00a0 What is available for you to SEE if you are willing to look deeply.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> But all I feel is pain.\u00a0 And I seem unwilling to look.\u00a0 Ok, maybe that is a story.\u00a0 Perhaps I can peak.\u00a0 There is throbbing pain.\u00a0 Icy heat.\u00a0 I know that sounds strange.\u00a0 I can soften my body all around this pain. \u00a0The rest of me is like a big soft pillow and the pain in my face a stone in the middle of the fluff.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Keep going.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> The throbbing is like a drum beat, around a fire at some aboriginal dance.\u00a0 Left side is strong.\u00a0 It feels like a wishbone breaking.\u00a0 Trembling is seen.\u00a0 I know that makes no sense, but I can see the aboriginal dance and there is a person in the middle who is trembling.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Don’t get swept away with spiritual cul d’sacs.\u00a0 Stay focused. Right here and now.\u00a0 The pain is hiding something from you.\u00a0 Don’t let the mind sweep you away into story.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Ok.\u00a0 Back here.\u00a0 I can feel the dog at my side, hear a lawn mower outside.\u00a0 Feel the breeze from the ceiling fan and the heat coming through the vents.\u00a0 It’s a cold day, the heat is on and I am both hot and cold all at the same time.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> YES notice the polar opposite.\u00a0 The yin yang.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> There is facial pain …. And deep stillness.\u00a0 The pain is empty.\u00a0 There is percolating big bubbles in the pain.\u00a0 Ooooow.\u00a0 It\u00a0 hurts.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Keep looking.\u00a0 Don’t let the pain make you turn away.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Ok.\u00a0 I am inside of this body.\u00a0 Not running away.\u00a0 The tinnitus in my ears is ringing at the same frequency as the pain.\u00a0 The harmonics of the tinnitus is doing something.\u00a0 Or maybe I just pray it is doing something for this pain.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Don’t stop.\u00a0 Listen.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> There is a deep resonance here with the pain.\u00a0 It’s old.\u00a0 Familiar.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> The pain is not separate from that which is you.\u00a0 Can you see that?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> It is both not separate from me and it is not me.\u00a0 Both at the same time.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: Exactly.\u00a0 Like a shadow you can not run from the pain.\u00a0 But you know yourself to be more than the shadow.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Am I the light that casts the shadow?<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: Look deeply.\u00a0 What is it that you know yourself to be in this very moment?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> I am not sure I know.<\/p>\n

Gnani:<\/strong> Sounds like a great place to explore.<\/p>\n

\"stones\"<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

Egoic Mind<\/em>:\u00a0 I just ate dinner.\u00a0 Now my mouth feels like it is in terrible pain.\u00a0 Hot fire feeling … but no spicy food.\u00a0 Nothing out of the usual.\u00a0 Except that mushroom tasted a bit odd.\u00a0 Damn what if this is an allergic reaction and I am going to die.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 That is the same old addictive thought pattern again, seizing an opportunity where it knows you are fearful and it knows it can release those chemicals it wants for its fix.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> And do I have a choice but to feed the chemicals?<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: What happens in the next moment is unknown.\u00a0 Why not just watch and see for yourself what is possible.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind<\/em>: But what if I am truly dying? What if I should be leaving to get help right now!<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: Do you believe that your death is avoidable?\u00a0 That suffering can be side-stepped?\u00a0 Is this your experience?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> No my experience is that nothing I do can change anything.\u00a0 So I might as well sit back and watch the show.\u00a0 But knowing that and doing that are two different things.\u00a0 It’s like the pain that was in my face is now in the lining of my mouth.\u00a0 Crap this sucks.\u00a0 I can’t even have a few hours without some kind of three alarm fire from inside the depth of my being.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 These are only surface ripples.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 The depths of your Beingness is much deeper than these complaints.\u00a0 Feel your Beingness right now.\u00a0 What can you see?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> There is energy swirling around … like a big chalk eraser.\u00a0 At least I hope it is erasing the pain.\u00a0 But there is no fear from that space in the center.\u00a0 There is just motion.\u00a0 Large sweeping movements, like a dance.\u00a0 It is bubbling.\u00a0 Or maybe it is creating the bubbles.\u00a0 I don’t know which.\u00a0 But bubbles are being generating and it feels like they are flowing out the top of a fountain.\u00a0 My tongue is still all pins and needles.\u00a0 I read somewhere today on a web board that this woman who had pins and needles on her tongue was told to be careful it was the beginning of anaphylactic shock.\u00a0 So my brain is feeding on that now.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: It doesn’t matter.\u00a0 If it wasn’t that it would have been another horror story.\u00a0 Your brain can’t help but rush to the fire alarm.\u00a0 It wants those chemicals … at all cost.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> I’m not willing to pay that price any longer … not if I have a choice.\u00a0 I want to cut those thoughts off as Maharaj did, right when they first sprout.\u00a0 Instead of tilling the soil and harvesting a bumper crop each time they come to the surface.\u00a0 I won’t have it!<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 Remember whose head it is that you want to cut off.\u00a0 Do not treat the thoughts as your enemy.\u00a0 They are as much a part of Source as thoughts of success<\/em>, love<\/em> and compassion<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> So what do I do when these thoughts arise?<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 Treat them with compassion<\/em><\/strong> and love<\/em><\/strong> and then you will have success<\/em><\/strong>!<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Ok.\u00a0 I can do that.\u00a0 I understand why these thoughts arise.\u00a0 I know why they are happening and I know that I do not have to act upon or believe these thoughts.\u00a0 I need only recognize and acknowledge.\u00a0 The thoughts express the fear of unbearable pain.\u00a0 Of being out of control.\u00a0 Of having no where to turn and no one to take care of me.\u00a0 I understand these thoughts.\u00a0 Their fingerprint is deep in my cellular tissue.\u00a0 I can not expect these thoughts to automagically go away instantly now that I know the truth.\u00a0 But I can turn the light on and sit with them in full view and see what else arises.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 You are sitting with them.\u00a0 Right now.\u00a0 And it feels good to do so, yes?<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/strong> It is an empowering feeling to be with myself.\u00a0 Or is it empowering for my Self to be here with me?\u00a0 Everything is changing.\u00a0 I am riding the waves.\u00a0 Acknowledging the desire for this to go away and accepting fully that it is here right now.\u00a0 No judgment that it should not be this way.\u00a0 It IS.\u00a0 So why bother to judge or push away.\u00a0 This is what IS.\u00a0 There is pain and fire inside the soft tissue of my mouth.\u00a0 There are small tears in my eyes.\u00a0 And that pillow of softness in the rest of my body.\u00a0 It is there too … holding the space for this fierce grace inside my mouth. It feels like a thousand canker sores are forming inside my mouth.\u00a0 Hmmmm….I wonder if this is viral?<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 Stay with what is … not with what wonders.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind:<\/em> Tiny ruptures on the surface of my tongue taste buds.\u00a0 A thick coating on my teeth.\u00a0 Pulsations.\u00a0 Throbbing.\u00a0 Prickly pain.\u00a0 Crap.\u00a0 I hate this.\u00a0 I know stay with what is happening not the thinking mind.\u00a0 Everything is fading down now … my mind is getting board and wants to move on to another activity.<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: What you resist will only come back again to try and be seen.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind<\/em>:\u00a0 I’m here.\u00a0 I’m staying.\u00a0 I’m following this wave all the way to shore.\u00a0 My left cheek is pulsating from inside and outside.\u00a0 My left foot is effervescing.\u00a0 That’s cool.\u00a0 I know, no judgments, just notice.\u00a0 The sound of the tinnitus in my ear is changing pitch ever so slightly.\u00a0 It is a ringing.\u00a0 A vibratory sound.\u00a0 Like the little hammer and anvil are vibrating with the energy currents rushing past them and bouncing off the drum of the ear.\u00a0 Mostly from my right ear.\u00a0 The pain or sensation really, is on my left cheek.\u00a0 The tongue is painful on both sides … mostly on the edges and side.\u00a0 My gums feel pressure, internal pressure, like swelling as well.\u00a0 Now a faster thumping beat … not my heart beat though.\u00a0 Pain, sharp pain at the top of my head.\u00a0 Damn I should have seen that neurologist!<\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>: More thoughts.\u00a0 Your cells still want to feed.<\/p>\n

Egoic Mind<\/em>:\u00a0 I am turning the light on super bright. (There was a long pause.)<\/em> And now I see clearly.<\/p>\n

Source cares!<\/span><\/p>\n

It is not as impartial as I thought it was.<\/span><\/p>\n

Source is taking care of the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

Naturally.\u00a0 Effortlessly.\u00a0 Effervestantly!<\/span><\/p>\n

There is a spontaneous reaction to the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it comes from Source.<\/span><\/p>\n

Knowing this … Surrender is so sweet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gnani<\/strong>:\u00a0 Precisely what you were intended to see.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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