![\"ginko-trees\"](\"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/ginko-trees.jpg\" "\\"ginko-trees\\"")
Maiden.\u00a0 Mother.\u00a0 Crone.\u00a0 Life is one passage followed by another portal.\u00a0 Unannounced or unbidden we move silently into our new Self at each milestone along the path.\u00a0 And as my gray hairs outnumber the brunette and the last ova leave alone, I now embrace the aspect of Crone.<\/p>\n
Or perhaps it is this new wheelchair that makes me feel the toll of father time.\u00a0 After more than a year of self-imposed confinement, I decided to move to the edge of my own fear and separate the road blocks of my physical limitations with the mirages of my mind.\u00a0 From the first day with the chair, Dalai seemed to know that it was a blessing.\u00a0 As I sat down in the chair for the first time, I swung my legs up onto the seat and crossed them underneath my body.\u00a0 Just as I began to get my bearings, out came Dalai escaping underfoot as my youngest tried to leave through the front door.\u00a0 As if the wheelchair had always been part of my life, Dal jumped into my lap, leaned her weight against my chest and braced herself with her front paws against my legs as if to say I’m ready now.\u00a0 Let’s GO!<\/em> And so we did.\u00a0 In short order my husband was taking me to many places I hadn’t been in many months.<\/p>\n Up until today, I was testing my new transport in the open air of parks and on neighborhood streets.\u00a0 These of course were Dalai’s favorite trips and she became visibly distraught when Richard and I would leave in the car without her.\u00a0 But this afternoon, I wanted to gain a bit more ground in the pursuit of freedom and I opted to leave Dal at home with my daughters.\u00a0 I had not been inside a store, even with my therapist in what was approaching a full year and I so longed to see even a peak of a megamart once again.<\/p>\n Small irony that I chose a Home Improvement<\/em> store as my maiden voyage.\u00a0 The sun was low in the sky and the winds were kicking up as we pulled into the parking lot of our local Lowe’s.\u00a0 Richard’s hands were shaking my chair as chills went up his spine.\u00a0 “Where too?” he asked, as we rolled through the parking lot.<\/p>\n “How about just inside of the outdoor<\/em> section of the garden area?”\u00a0 I said, with just a bit of trepidation.<\/p>\n It was bitter cold for a California sunny day and it felt good to be out of the wind-chill and into the atrium of the building.\u00a0 The smells were so familiar, yet totally new at the same time, a combination of steer manure and evergreen I suppose.\u00a0 “Where do you want to go first?”, my husband asked.<\/p>\n Just then, the most wonderful fountain caught my eye and I asked my husband to take me over to The Buddha.\u00a0 Now, I know the Buddha is everywhere … but I was certainly glad to have a solid stone reminder that I was not alone.\u00a0 Bolstered with new confidence, I pointed to the sliding doors that led into the main building and said “Let’s get out of the cold and go inside.”<\/p>\n Though I wouldn’t call us handy<\/em> by any stretch of the imagination, my husband had spent a lot of time in this particular store.\u00a0 But even if we had crossed that doorway a thousand times before I surely felt as if I was transported from the bridge of the Enterprise into this strange new and wonderful world.\u00a0 Two sparrows had landed just ahead as we turned the corner, and this was in the INSIDE of the store.\u00a0 From the Buddha to the Path of the Feather, I knew God was holding nothing back as we strolled down the aisle.<\/p>\n Such emotion welled up inside of me as I looked up and saw the two story ceiling up above.\u00a0 My eyes filled with tears and I became a bit self conscious.\u00a0 I asked Richard to take one spin around the wild bird feeders and then to bring me back to the car so we could go back home.\u00a0 No it wasn’t a long trip, but that mental noise would have to wait.<\/p>\n On the way home, the sun was setting and the sky beginning to fill with color.\u00a0 The slightly snow covered mountains were clear and if I didn’t know better I would have bet they were standing just a bit taller on the horizon.\u00a0 As we made our way back to our neighborhood streets I saw that the recent winds had blown most of the leaves off of the few trees we have that actually DO change season even in our neck of the woods.<\/p>\n And there, just as planned for me to see were a row of Ginko trees with their yellow leaves all fallen to the ground in a wide circle as if to bow at the feet of the Divine.\u00a0 No there was no holding back today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Maiden.\u00a0 Mother.\u00a0 Crone.\u00a0 Life is one passage followed by another portal.\u00a0 Unannounced or unbidden 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