{"id":4583,"date":"2017-05-21T09:56:36","date_gmt":"2017-05-21T16:56:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coolkarma.com\/dharma\/?p=4583"},"modified":"2017-05-21T10:24:33","modified_gmt":"2017-05-21T17:24:33","slug":"pancakes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/?p=4583","title":{"rendered":"The Price of Standing"},"content":{"rendered":"
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 \"\"<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n
I made pancakes this morning<\/div>\n
I was standing<\/div>\n
not for a particularly long time <\/div>\n
but I was standing <\/div>\n
and then I ate a pancake <\/div>\n
and a little vegetarian sausage <\/div>\n
I folded some towels from the dryer <\/div>\n
before coming to sit down <\/div>\n
I had been standing <\/div>\n
it’s not unlike any morning <\/div>\n
other than those mornings <\/div>\n
when I can’t stand it all <\/div>\n
I feel capable when I’m cooking<\/div>\n
\n
I knew <\/div>\n
when I would stop <\/div>\n
that I would have a hard time <\/div>\n
But it was pancakes <\/div>\n
You understand that right? <\/div>\n
So I sit here now<\/div>\n
sittings not quite the right word <\/div>\n
because my feet are higher than my heart <\/div>\n
and I’m looking at the blue sky <\/div>\n
if not actually <\/div>\n
the blue umbrella over my head <\/div>\n
and the grape leaves <\/div>\n
that have grown a little too far past the vine <\/div>\n
and the loquat tree to my right <\/div>\n
that’s blocking the rest of the Sun <\/div>\n
so graciously for me <\/div>\n
And I feel the unease<\/div>\n
of adrenaline left unspent<\/div>\n
of a heart pounding to keep<\/div>\n
blood to my brain<\/div>\n
of the dis ease of a disability<\/div>\n
that had accommodated<\/div>\n
my cooking for a little while<\/div>\n
but now says I have<\/div>\n
used all of my spoons<\/div>\n
over a cast iron griddle<\/div>\n
and of course I wish things were different <\/div>\n
I wish I could get up <\/div>\n
and do some thing <\/div>\n
I wish I could read comfortably<\/div>\n
or even see the koi <\/div>\n
from where I have collapsed<\/div>\n
But I have to rest right now<\/div>\n
To stay still and wait <\/div>\n
for my heart to settle back <\/div>\n
for my blood volume to redistribute <\/div>\n
I just have to wait <\/div>\n
because it was pancakes<\/div>\n
totally worth it<\/div>\n
I understand that<\/div>\n
Had it been burnt toast<\/div>\n
well that would be<\/div>\n
a crying shame<\/div>\n
and hardly worth<\/div>\n
the price of standing<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
 <\/div>\n<\/div>\n
 \"\"<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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