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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nBut this time, I stopped myself at the beginning of the shaggy dog story and I thought … wait … I can see the picture in my mind’s eye.\u00a0 And I remember the details of that day as if it was … well, the last time I’ve told this story … but Grandma Pauline never left Belleville.\u00a0 Okay maybe twice to go to the Jersey Shore.\u00a0 You see Sandyhook was my childhood scrapbook long before the shooting will forever make it a tearful memorial for the world looking back.\u00a0 But Grandma didn’t ever go to New York.\u00a0 Why I hadn’t put those two things together before puzzled me even more.\u00a0 (And in truth, Dad did take Grandma to my graduation in Pittsburgh, so she definitely left Jersey at least that once.
I talked to Dad on the phone this morning and asked him about my memory.\u00a0 He couldn’t recall ever being on the Empire State Building either.\u00a0 But I knew that I had, if not as a young child certainly in High school when the Renaissance Club went to see an off broadway production of Death Trap my junior year.\u00a0 He suggested I may have dreamt the incident.\u00a0 But it seemed so vivid.\u00a0 Dad also suggested that perhaps we went to a “big” department store with Grandma Pauline, and it’s possible we took an elevator then.
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During the conversation, we also talked about some other memories of \nBelleville and who lived on the third floor of the house next to 260 \nGreylock parkway. I realized that there was a lot of misplaced people \n.. great aunts and great grandmothers that had gotten scrambled in my \nmind. It brought to mind once again the illusion of our solid reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Each of us shape our conditioned egoic mind based not on things that happened as such, but stories of puzzle pieces from people, places and things that may not have held water as much as they reflected back to us our emotional experience at the time.\u00a0 These chemical fingerprints of memories on our gray matter make up what we make up about life and who we are … who others are in relation to us .. and the overall theme of our persona.\u00a0
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The collective group of jigsaw templates are held together with neural networks which sometimes get rearranged, but mostly we keep adding new “experiences” to our model that match the matchbox hippocampus diorama of our brain.\u00a0 Sometimes there are triggers and our\u00a0 old town roads<\/a> get shanghaied into Shanghai maglev<\/a> bullet trains that take us to places in our wayback machine<\/a> of our misaligned-miasma-memories. Which certainly feel real in the me-moment. The redneck has an E-Ticket<\/a> that takes him to Tomorrowland for a small haunted world ride all day extravaganza.\u00a0 In his dark jamboree it is me-against-the-world and he is alone on a loop of burning in the essence of his being.\u00a0 He leaves me a thousand times in his mind on his dark days.\u00a0 And when they are coupled with my hyperadrenergic POTSholes we are on a voyage of sunken submarines. How important are false memories? How much of our remembered self \nnever quiet sat as we saw it from the iris of our mind? When I see you \nright now how much of that is filtered through the misleading memories \nin my mind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is no knowing of course.\u00a0 The practice has never been about finding answers.\u00a0 It is as always about questioning … everything.\u00a0 And knowing that we really can’t know anything for certain.\u00a0 And when possible .. if we find our self throwing punches in our pineal gland<\/a> anamnesis <\/a>we may be able to stop the elevator just long enough to realize the train we are about to board never really gets us where we are going.\u00a0 Regardless of the past each of us have survived the next step forward depends more upon where we set our sight in front of us than the millions miles we walked to get where we are standing today. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It was circa-1970-something, I was standing to the left and slightly in front of my<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dharma"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4938","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4938"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4938\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4942,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4938\/revisions\/4942"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4938"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4938"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karmabytes.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4938"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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We each get stuck in our own narrative now and Zen.\u00a0 Clint Boyer went HAM on rival Ryan Newman after the dash for cash last weekend.\u00a0 Throwing punches through the open netting of the door at the driver. In the moment, in Boyer’s mind he was convinced that Newman wrecked him.\u00a0 \u201cWhere I come from, you get punched in the nose for that, and that\u2019s what he got.\u201d\u00a0 Watching the replay footage, it later became clear Newman did not cause the spin out and it’s probably also probable that Boyer is still going to hold a biochemical fingerprint even if his logical brain knows better.\u00a0 They’ll certainly be watching the two for another dustup next week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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