Constant Choosing

I love k.d. lang’s 1992 Constant Craving.  Its sensual spiritual lyrics and longing melody pulls you in and resonates with something deep inside all of us.   I often argue the issue of choice when I put on my neo-advida non-author beret and direct the discussion to the interconnectedness of unity consciousness.  Because when I think about choice, I think about addiction and I see so many people trapped in the various ways we keep our self bound to our suffering.  Moreover when I see the people who have somehow managed to break free of a particular vice … it seems to stem from so much more than freewill alone.

So when someone says … you can CHOOSE to be at PEACE … I would be apt to dig in my heals and argue that there are times when CHOICE is not possible.  And we certainly feel like we are somehow limited in our options when we are caught on the court of our racket brawls of the mind.  But as a friend reminded me today it is not about Choice .. its about Choosing.  Over and over again.

And as thoughts sometimes crystallize in our corpus callosum with such clarity that they seem cutting edge as opposed to common sense … I could hear k.d. lang in the corners of my mind.  Constant Craving.  Constant Choosing.

Right now, I can choose this thought … or that thought.  Right now I can choose to step on or step off the treadmill.  Right now I can choose to listen to the sound of running water from outside my window or the redneck hollering in his code-switching  game play lexicon.

I can choose peace.  Not for the next hour.  Perhaps not even for the next minute.  But for just this exhale .. when I let go of the idea that anything has to be different in order for me to be utterly happy … for this tiny micro-moment of NOW … I can choose Bliss.  And then … I can choose again.

I should add that my ability or inability to choose in the moment isn’t related to my success or failure, ineptitude or higher-caliber.  I can suggest or remind myself that choice may be possible, but I can not condemn, criticize or coach anyone else for I do not know the pebble in their shoe.  And in Truth its not about fixing anything.  It is simply choosing in this moment whatever it is that seems available to us.  A slight shift in position to be a bit more comfortable (or slightly less pain), a cup of tea, a longer exhale or a soft smile on our lips even when our mind is telling us to grimace.  We choose something … anything … even through the darkest phase and then we choose again.  Constant Choosing.