Of Cancer and Carpe Diem
For some, the definition of God precludes all that which is deemed vile or vicious. But in my experience there is no thing that is not the manifestation of Source and this by definition must include illness as well as evil if indeed we were to label an experience as such. ‘Say it’s not so!’, some demand as they bifurcate the world and lay causal blame on the hands of the Devil. And indeed it may be so, all I can possibly know is my own experience and as such my experience could change and another explanation may arise that even closer matches my heart’s awareness.
But for now, as the living teaching has taken root in this body-mind organism, what is here for me is the Totality of Grace as well as Fierce Grace as equal if not opposite expressions of the Divine. Of course no amount of knowing in the realm of mental discourse makes the perception of pain and problems any less difficult to receive. When I looked upon my not-so-furry senior dog last week and noticed one of her skin tags had all the signs of malignancy, I realized that Bella’s Story was about to be remade into a sequel. Meanwhile our dear sphyx Millie was also showing signs of her own pancreatic failure in return. And while we would like to know what comes next, how we should handle the news, how long we should engage the Dance of the Doctor … ultimately there is no knowing. There is only this moment, this breath, without any promise that the next breath will come.
My dear friend of long standing is facing the death of her mother who has also chosen not to prolong the dance beyond a line her heart has long seemed to accept – the wisdom of which most of us cannot fathom yet aspire towards just the same. It seems from where I sit, or most often recline or crouch, we face the end of life in much the same way that we face life itself.
Occasionally we hear stories of great wisdom and spiritual fruition that occur through a near death experience. But more often than not, we notice that people who are generous, kind and giving in life seem to carry on in much this same altruistic fashion in their last days on earth. In contrast, those who are frightened and filled with anger and angst seem to go out kicking and screaming … literally as they curse and berate all those around them who are no doubt trying to help.
And we do want to help. We want to ease their pain as they transition from form to formlessness. We want to provide and abide in a space of harmony so that whatever arises in the moment there is a silent presence that guides our next move. Indeed it is only in this space of stillness that one can actually take the next step, despite all of our best laid plans and preparatory intentions.
In that case, as I watch my hairless companions wind down at the end of their journey, I clearly have no idea what to do next as next has yet to come. What does strike me as so very important is to really enjoy this moment, as her warm skin and heavy body drape across my leg and as we both take in a deep breath and simultaneous sigh. Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero. Or as my friend translates … Dessert first, life is uncertain.
