New Year Resolutions 2019
I have always read that new year resolutions are a waste of effort because in general we fail miserably. But failure or getting off track isn’t something we should avoid. It’s a risk we take when we want to move beyond our cozy zone. I am willing to fail. Daily if need be. I’m willing to share my unflattering moments and own them if not as gifts at least as comic relief.
So here are my five resolutions for 2019. (Why five? Well before I decided to blog at 5:00 a.m., I read the headline news from CNN and saw the “A New Year’s Day message from the 5 Things family” and since it didn’t look like sleep was going to return I decided to take the inspiration and make my own list off the cuff.)
1. Be kind …my ego wants to say Be Kinder because I want to present as a kind and compassionate person. I am not. I am compassionate for sure, but my wit often takes a front seat to what most would consider kind.
In truth, I don’t want to change my sardonic nature. But I do wish to bolster the balance by making sure I let people close to me know how important, special, talented, creative, helpful and precious they are to me. Including the Instacart shoppers who click SUBSTITUTION simultaneously with CHECK-OUT so that I don’t have a chance to respond.
I want to be kind to my body because it is struggling more as the various and sundry chronic conditions continue to decline. Being kind for me includes getting back to eating a wider variety of grains and vegetables and challenging myself to create more minimally sweet treats. It also means being kind and compassionate with my broken bits. My fears my resistance, my desperate nature to keep the ground under my feet even when I’m flat on my back with my feet on the wall because the blood flow back to my brain ain’t happening on it’s own. I haven’t learned much in 56 years, but I’m fairly certain chastising myself for who I am, how I need to be supported and believing I am somehow less- than because I am not sovereign do not serve me. Kindness is accepting in the moment what BEST looks like, and acknowledging that I am doing my best.
2. Writing
I have two books in the concept stage. My cookbook has already been mentally transformed into an only ever blog format and will not be coming out in book form. Finding a way given my limited windows of feeling well enough to be on my laptop to help the project launch this year will require getting help beyond what I alone can do. But if I structure the foundation of the blog well, contributing editors should be easy to accomplish.
Speaking of my co-author 💛💜 it’s time I’d like to write the third virtual world novel. Some version of the post-avatar-post-apocalyptic life looks like. I already own the domain, so I should probably move that up on my wish-I-had-time-stamina-spoons-for list.
3. Feng Shui
In the necessity of doing less there creeps in more clutter. It’s become the norm rather than the exception. I want to work on workable solutions for work flows that allow the appearance of clean open areas. Less obstacles on floors, dishes on end tables, clean clothes blocking dresser drawers.
4. Sitting
I have not had a formal sitting practice since I gave up desperately trying to hold on to abiding peace. I wanted to overcome the nature of my anxious mind so badly that I would sit for up to an hour every day, multiple times a day, for years until I didn’t. My formal practice fell away when I met the streetwise sage. It wasn’t intentional. But after 8 years it looks like it’s not coming back unbidden. I am no longer looking to change anything on the zafu. I am more or less curious as to what the practice looks like without expectation or goals. I no longer wonder about “my true nature”, the enquiry isn’t pulling me outside of mySelf to find that which I already am. I am simply curious what a sitting practice would look like now. And also eager to show my grandson the many paths even at the tender age of two. I made him a special set of prayer beads. 108 numerals and spacers that count to 36. Because the cherub is fascinated by numbers.
5. Outdoors and Active
It seems silly because I am literally unable to stand for much of the day. But I love the smell of the air next to a shade tree. I like holding my husband’s hand as we walk to the back 40. I like watching the koi fish at the amazing sanctuary he built for me even as my determined grandson tries to chuck a stone into the water after he has been told NO. I like going into the pool even for just a moment even if it takes me longer to put on a wet-suit than the time I can stay in because my stamina is insubstantial. I have no expectations of getting better, or doing more or making a difference in the dysfunction that is what my life looks like. I simply want to enjoy as much as I can each day looking up at the skies or the sun or the clouds or the moon.
There. I put my intentions out there. Five things that admittedly I didn’t give any forethought to other than my usual pre-dawn Android under the covers blog post. But I am willing to put them up and willing to fail. Because that’s all that is needed in the moment.
Happy New Year
