Be Nice
Kind, compassionate, helpful, honest, impeccable, uplifting, inspirational, upstanding, loving, welcoming, warm, friendly, pleasant, good, gracious, well meaning, winsome.
However you phrase it, there is something to be said for the practice of loving kindness. Both to those in our inner circle and reaching out into the world at large. But most importantly also for our own self care. (Remember to place your own oxygen mask on before helping your child with theirs.) We must find ways that we honor our self with acceptance and gratitude and love.
As the new year, the new decade actually, commences .. many people are setting their sites on resolutions for finance, nutrition and other regiments that they want to somehow attain in the days ahead so that they can somehow get ahead of the curve in whatever way, shape or formidable challenges they now imagine are blocking their view of paradise.
I don’t tend to make resolutions. It has never been part of my practice or healing journey. Indeed even my “healing” journey somehow mellowed out over the years into more or less .. minute by minute .. settling in to THIS is what IS …. deep breath, exhale .. soft smile.
Perhaps tho it is having two small grandchildren in our multigen home and “hearing” myself in their parrotting-pick-ups of four letter words and phrases. Out of the mouth of babes, you realize you need to clean up your act. My 3 year old grandson in particular is quite an auditory echo, he has such a large repertoire of tones and accents .. from monster growls to high pitch whimsy melodies. And not so long ago he heard me use my “commanding voice” with our hairless dog .. BO COME I shouted across the front yard, that was gated but she had jumped up into the ivy where she could have run off if something caught the sight hounds’ eye. My grandson lowered his head and growled almost under his breath .. BO COME! Followed by the same demonic tones .. BO SIT!! and BO STAY!! Because apparently I tend to rattle off the trifecta when I call Bodhisattva.
The mirror that young eyes reflect back to us to see our flaws and failures help us see more clearly where we need to open our heart. Rather it can, if we are willing to let go of the control battle that our ego insists we maintain. It can show us where we need to soften and become “less certain” and more curious. For me, I wanted to take on being less mean. I noticed in one of the hyperadrenergic POTS forumns that many of the people expressed their challenges with instant anger. It is clear from the responses and that we all shared a common challange — how do we stay grounded with an excess of norephinephrine triggered in the brain.
Even without a proper diagnosis, I knew as a young adult that I had anger issues. Flying off and bouts of rage at even the slightest stimuli. As a young mother I was horrid, much as my own mother who you never could predict when her mood would change on a dime. In my senior years, I am better able to predict an episode of orthostatic anger. I can usually gleen when I am over reacting to a trivial (non-existent) incident. And yet, knowing the cause and understanding the physiology of the physical illness .. doesn’t make it go away or lessen the symptoms. I still have to wait the bitch out. Quietly, silently .. with every exhale, until my system is better balanced and I have a more accurate perception of the problem (which may not exist.)
When I met Mr. Monks (in IMVU) I catered to his southern sensibility. I spoke kindly, listened with respect and treated him with the kind of country song stand by your avatar kind of person. I wasn’t the sharp tongue (poison pen, typing tirade, sarcastic bitch) when I was with Monks. I had cultivated a softer, much kinder persona that admittedly felt new if not completely foreign to me at the time. Perhaps it emanated from the smile on my face when we spoke on voice. We should never undervalue the power of a smile.
But just as with any new year resolution, we are apt to fall back upon old patterns and behaviors. We may forget the things that make us smile. Or we may get too busy with life an all of the chaos and clutter that we stop cultivating the things we need to be happy and healthy and whole.
For me, the bottom line is … I am living my best life, when I am cultivating loving kindness. So I remind myself … Be Nice. In private, public, IRL or the virtual worlds. You can’t just play nice on social media .. the graciousness has to emanate from a place of genuine empathy. It certainly doesn’t come naturally for me .. after all Karma is bitch. But the feeling of matching my words to my deeds to my demeanor is what I want my grandson to see when he remembers (mocks) me.
