Renunciation
Grace: You have a choice.
Me: What are my choices?
Grace: Endless
Me: How will I choose?
Grace: All of them.
Me: That’s not a choice. It’s a riddle I can’t unravel.
Grace: If you willingly choose ALL of it. Just as it is. Without trying to push any away. Without struggling against that which is in this moment. Knowing deeply that everything changes, and the hard times will pass much as the good times will also fall away — when you make THAT choice of ALL THAT IS, you step off of the treadmill of suffering and settle into the present moment just as it is.
Me: But what if the present moment has pain and awful?
Grace: The present moment is never one sided, pain ebbs and flows. Even awful flows in with the wind and washes away down stream given time. But how you use that time — how you sit with the pain may instantly change how it influences your essence and energy.
Me: Lofty ideals. But what if there IS NO CHOICE in the moment and the attack is so strong that it SWEEPS us off our emotional foothold and we are tossed into the undertow of terror and turmoil?
Grace: Excellent example because it uses the ocean, the birthplace of all life as you perceive it to be. In an undertow the breaking waves meet with the previous wave waters that are rushing underneath back out to see .. back home if you will. For the swimmer caught unexpectedly in the tide pool of the undertow the temptation is to fight against it and power back to shore. But the expert swimmer knows what needs to happen is to remain calm and gently make your way back to the surface, if necessary swim parallel with the shore line until you come to a calm spot that will allow you to swim to shore.
Me: Apply that to me. I’m not at the beach. I hate the feeling of wet sand on my body.
Grace: Whether it is fighting against wet sand in your swimsuit or swimming against the current or lashing out at the transient storm inside your own body … battling the perceived beast only serves to weaken your spirit.
Me: But I can’t just lay down my sword and surrender. That’s not available to me. I can’t give up. I can’t just sit with it. The ego has no renunciation.
Grace: Precisely THIS! The ego does not want to let go. When you meet your wall of water you may instead consider softening. Having compassion toward yourself. Instead of seeing surrender as an impossible task … instead you may consider SOFTENING. Cultivating compassion towards yourself and for everyone who at this moment is at the edge of their fear or pain body. You see, the light casts not only a warm glow but also shadows in the dark places that are all around you. As we are able to sit with that .. with ALL OF THAT … it is the beginning as well as the end.
