I am

In the file of whats-in-a-name I realize it shouldn’t really matter. My name has been pretty fluid since I was born. Given my own mother’s multiple marriages and my concatenations of each of the cohabitants. I have had many informal names, as well as my own litany of legal name changes as I am in the 6% of people in their late fiftes who have been married three times. Pfft, Pew says “Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate roughly tripled since 1990.” So I get that I may not be on the bell curve but I’m still within the margins of error … small pun intended.

Since I was 21, my name became my professional calling card. I answered the phone by stating my name followed by How can I help you? Because that was how I built my reputation. By the turn of the last century I began seeking balance in my high tech career and I became a serious student of meditation (if not also non-dual, buddism, zen, hatha yoga, transindental … you get the drift I was one of those hippy dippy western white washed off the mark of anything meaningful masters.)

My name was not the only thing that was changing during those prodigal years. My “healing journey” also found itself with new terms and diagnosis that seemed to change every few years as different syndromes came and left fashion. Mesenteric adenitis, Epstien Barr, Hashimoto, IBS, Endometriosis, CFIDS, Idiopathic Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, POTS, Hyperadrenergic POTS, EDS, Hypermobile EDS and the beat goes on.

During the golden years when I thought wellness could be achieved through less stress, nutrition or pushing myself past my “fears”, I created a website and 10 minute meditation series. Despite my efforts to be an influencer two decades before the term was coined, my most “famous” YouTube video was “How to Toilet Train Your Cat” where I held the #1 video on the subject for a decade.

My name became my trademark. Hello, I am ___________ Welcome to my Kitchen. Because in addition to meditation, technology and my own webMD case study, I also put out a cook book with a handful of pre-Tasty era videos.

As my ability to produce content of any kind dwindled and as I ultimately had to give up my career and the campus community that I loved, I knew that I was not going to carry my professional name forward. As we all do under the veil of the illusion of the virtual world I often used the name EathMother as my alter ego and I toyed with the notion that I’d go by Em when I moved into the next chapter of my post academia life.

I also used my domain CoolKarma circa 2002 as my handle when I joined places like YoVille circa 2009 where I held live guided meditation for bobble head cartoons. Eventually I was simply Ms Karma. And I’ve been Ms. Karma online for longer than most online places today even existed. And I was perfectly fine blending Ms Karma with my real life day to day experiences. Until of course, I met Monks. When I learned my future husband’s last name was Kelley .. I knew beyond a doubt that I was going to be Karma Ann Kelley. Mind you this was even before I realized I was eventually going to marry Mr. Kelley. I simply knew the name was mine. And though Monks uses his given name when he walks away from the computer keyboard, I stopped using my birth name entirely.

Walking away from my remembered life, even when walking is out of the question for me most of the time, is not only symbolic but perhaps some semblance of perceived control. There’s not much I can change in my life … but I can change my name (if I file a dozen forms, pay $450+ in fees, publish a notice in a local paper $150+ and have a judge sign off on the resolution.)

Indeed I became Mrs Kelley when I married a few years back. I was already KarmaMonks for more years before that. But aligning my first name to Karma, which I have only been known as during my post monachus incarnation, has been my aspiration for almost eight years.

To that end, I received the call from the court house on Friday.
“Is this Karma?” the clerk began.
A tear formed in my eye as she relayed that the judge had signed the resolution and she would be mailing me the formal decree. Step one is done. Now I have all the legal paperwork in place to begin the VERY LONG process of changing my name with all of the government divisions, medical processes and banks. Which will all come in time. I have a list. As you can imagine. But for now, I celebrate (chant)
I am
Karma Ann.

PS: The redneck reminds me fondly that KELLEY is the note in that major chord that makes the whole song come together. And he’s right of course. And it remains my honor that he is my dance partner for this last slow song.

Hi, my name is Karma Ann Kelley, welcome to my world.