The Bell Curve

I’ve lived in virtual worlds since before In The Lila (2010) and maintained avatar friendships since my time in YoVille when bobblehead G rated toons built up their empires at auctions to see who had the most lava lamps or monkey statues.  It was a game.  For some people, avis on internet games are only slightly a knotch above AI bots that you encounter on customer service desks.  They forget there is a human behind the cartoon.  Heck, I knew a guy who would have you believe that cybersex isn’t cheating because it’s basically a table for one.  And that’s the kind of disposable relationship you are bound to encounter in the virtual underworld of anything goes and avahoes. 

But of course it’s different for those of us who ventured beyond toonville and cultivated deep empathy for another sentient being as we offered a shoulder to cry on over the airways, or cried upon another avi’s blue suede couch when our dance partner was a no show.  We listened to their stories and dreams of not everything was what it seemed and we even at times broke the third wall and occasionally met face to face with our social media sidekicks.

In the past I’ve tolerated some anti-vaxxers because my kids all got their shots.  And I might listen to their whoo-hooo white privileged fringe theories with a tolerant heart (if not an open mind, because I am always science first and only).

So it may have been a shock to one of the my fringe false friends when they started to espouse how comorbidity was the cause of all these fake Covid deaths and when he used the word sheeple I cut him off with a few choice sentences that included the word moron, more than once and ended in LOOSE MY NUMBER.  It doesn’t even sound Zen does it? And many people would say it doesn’t sound like me — or maybe they would because after all Karma is a kitsch in the bluntly.

What does it mean to practice loving compassion during a pandemic, in the midst of fighting for human rights and the abolition of systemic racism as an upcoming election may well decide our future as a democracy?  I recall the Dalai Lama once said that he gently brushes mosquitoes away.  Sometimes allowing them to have have a tiny bit of blood if he’s certain there’s no malaria, but if they keep coming back he swats them down — done. 

Practicing loving compassion doesn’t mean we need to engage with people who are pests.  Sometimes it is the most self care that we can muster to walk away from a person, situation or specific conversation.  When warranted we can slip away in silence as if we are somehow still lingering in the wings.  At other times a decisive exit speaks to the unspoken that this is where you have drawn a line.

In my senior years, I am more apt to make my intentions clear.  There is simply no room in my life to indulge the ego of a racist POS by letting them believe we merely have a difference of opinion.  Bubba Wallace recently replied to someone on Twitter by saying that family didn’t always have to agree.  I admire Bubba for that.  He always conducts himself with grace and style.  And before 2016 I would have agreed with him and to a certain extent I still do. 

But if your social media is filled with bold face racist lies from the likes of Briebart bullshit or the Federalist fake spews then your unapologetic racism makes you more than two standard deviations from the bell curve and frankly I don’t give a damn about walking away from the vile vitriol that you represent.

Hopefully most of the people in your immediate circle of contacts fall between one standard deviations from center. These are your friends and family that may have a difference of opinion on some of the lower ballot measures that have such confusing syntax or extra baggage attached that you can more easily agree to disagree and still enjoy latkas before family game night. As you approach 2 standard deviations to the right of common sense, you get into the more difficult conversations with Aunt Mary Margaret who truly believes she’s going to burn in hell if she votes for a democrat because abortion is her single issue litmus wafer. Fortunately Aunt Mary lives in Ashtabula and you rarely have a need to see her, she only shares cat memes on her social media and your mother still remembers the time she gave her an old Buick after Uncle Slim died so there is that. She may even be willing to listen to you talk about planned parenthood and all the ways universal healthcare will help reduce the need for anyone to have an abortion. These are the relatives who may have a difference of opinion but they have very little influence or agency.

But then you have the serious wingnuts. You know who they are because they retweet every conspiracy theory and they wear their racism on their sleeve. They attend freedumb rallies against masks, Covid Hoax events and insist that opening the nail salons while transmission is still rising is their god given right as a patriot. These are the people who spend every moment of their copious free time trolling Fox Sports just to interject a meme about Bubba Wallace killing NASCAR. Because you know, saying it once and UNFOLLOWING just isn’t their style. These are the trolls who organize attacks against Kamala Harris not because of her past record in office but who sexualize and demonize her with crude and rude misogynist remarks that you don’t know if you should respond with anger or tears but you know that responding only elevates post relevance score so don’t go there..

Then there are the people in places of actual influence. If your job is to be responsible for quality control at a medical company and you think Covid is just like the flu … then you share in the responsibility of over 200k deaths to date in the US.

Odds are my husband already contracted COVID last January and if not for breathing treatments at the ER and at home and a handful of steroids, antibiotics and prayers he would not have survived.  Moreover he still has long lasting impacts 9 months out.  So your bullshit that Covid is fake, masks are for sheeple or whatever else you’ve been led to believe .. I’ve seen the truth first hand.  I believe Dr. Faucci and the recommendations of the top scientists who have degrees and experience in infectious control.

Recently I had another friend who I’ve known for over 45 years try to argue with me about Black Lives Matter .. and began to ask how I justified “black on black” crime.  I didn’t ever read anything after that.  And they will never hear anything again from me.  Because I’m done with that bullshit.  I only have so many spoons in a day and I need to use them wisely. Some people are beyond hope and reason. And it’s deeper than that I believe. There’s a twisted game they want to play with you because they get a rise out of doing so. It’s sick and twisted and I live in the virtual worlds, I know what a fetish looks like from every angle.

I’ve deleted cousins, classmates and critics this month from social circles and virtual worlds .. because I needed to take out the trash in order to focus on loving the family, friends and fighters who stand beside me and that I stand with always. I’ve asked family within the bell curve to consider doing something different because we can always share our personal pain with someone who loves us and pray they hear and heed our tears.

We all have to decide what we can live with and who we can live without. The most important thing is to actually LET GO once you’ve made whatever decision you feel good about making. Don’t let that person live in your head rent free. Put your attention on places you make a difference and see who shows up for the next chapter in your book.